The perfect valentines.

I am single.

Yesterday was Valentine's Day.

Did I spend Valentine's alone?

Ohhhh no! I certainly did not!

I spent it with Bruce Willis, Sam Jackson, Christian Bale, Morgan Freeman, Gary Oldman, Jeremy Irons and Wolverine.

It was a busy night.

That Bruce...such a man.

xo carey

i heart my jammies.

I just need to take a moment, and talk about my new favorite thing. That is, my new favorite thing, for this week.

When I was about 18 or so, I had this pair of striped men's pajamas. And I loved them. They were warm, comfy, and just plain old awsome. They are still in my box of things I can't quite throw away. Although I think I am missing the bottoms. No idea how I just lost just the bottoms.

So, anyway. On Saturday I decided that my Halloween themed pajamas are out of date, and I needed a new pair of pj's. I was looking through the women's stuff, and everything was just dumb. Stupid designs, too frilly, and just blah. Not my thing. So I headed over to the men's department, and low and behold...all my lovely memories came flying back. I picked up a nice pair of flannel plaid pj's. And they were $13. You can't beat that.

Since then, all I can think about on my way home...is getting into my new jammies. I LOVE THEM! Even though I wake up sweating, since it is a bit too warm for flannel right now...I don't care. I have found my perfect winter outfit. I am even wearing them right now. And, if I ever grow a penis, I have a built in opening already in place. Now, who can beat that!

xo carey

Confessions of Stanley

I can't hide my obsession with chick lit any longer...

If you understand my conundrum...
turn down the volume,
make sure no one is around
and click here.

xo carey

Coco

So the other day I went on a search for my Prada perfume. My last bottle was either lost or stolen, it was my 31st birthday...so I am not putting too much thought in it. Well they didn't have my Prada. So to waste some time, I decided to smell all the million kinds of Chanel that one can buy. I have tried it on before, and was always sad to say that they kind of stank on me. When others wear it, I can trail behind sucking in all that Chanel goodness. But on me...not so much.

Well perhaps it was my lucky day, or my ph balances are changing, or some weird business like that...but I tried some Coco Chanel and fell in lust with my wrist. I have to admit that I kind of smelled like a grandma...perhaps a lot like Coco Chanel herself. An eccentric, worldly, out spoken granny. And I LIKED IT! So a few months from now, when I can finally save the money to buy the damn expensive perfume....I will be the one with her nose on her wrist and a lovely sedated smile on her face.

Coco...you are my new hero.

xo carey

Hotel suite here I come!!!

So, it is my birthday. I am 31. And all I have to say is that I have the best friends EVER.

You see, I have a huge obsession with hotels. I LOVE staying in them. Love love. And this aftenoon, I found out that my peeps booked me into a juccuzi suite at the fancy pancy hotel here in Regina. BEST PRESENT EVER!!!! So, they take me over to the hotel room...it's huge...it's decorated for me...there are treats for me in the bathroom...snacks in the fridge...and all my favorite magazines waiting for me. I don't deserve this. Sigh....

Did I mention I love my friends...
xo carey



This is where I am going to read my mags and take a nap.



This is where we are going to drink and have shits and giggles.

This is where I am going to have the best tub ever.

This is where I might work out. Maybe.

Just call me Clean Teeth Carey

So, I went to the dentist today. I haven't gone in about 10 yrs. Yes, I know, that is bad. But when you are a student forever and then have no benefits....ya kind of "forget" to go to the dentist. And because it had been so damn long since I went, I was kind of terrified of going. But I sucked it up, made an appointment, and dragged my not so clean teeth to the dentist.

And after I spent a good amount of time with the best dental hygenist a wuss like me could ask for, and 2 minutes with the actual dentists....I AM CAVITY FREE! Praise the teeth gods!. Well, my exact words to the doc were "For real?! Are you serious? Oh, thank god".

So now I am thinking I should get some grillz.

two years old...and still pertinent

Tuesday, June 06, 2006 : cowboys and crushes

i had a photo shoot today. a story about these city girls who move out to the farm or ranch....and well....farm or ranch stuff.

so, we drove up in the truck (had to fit in you know) and met these three different families. i took some pics. we had coffee and talked about japan. i had a staring contest with a cow. i made friends with a pony named strawberry. i tried not to think about the fact that one of the horses could step on my head and in an instant kill me. i met a 5 year old who had wore the best cowgirl outfit i have ever seen (cowboy hat, button up with shiny horses on it, big rodeo belt buckle and red cowboy boots) and had been riding a horse by herself since she was 2. we all gushed about how beautiful the saskatchwan sky is. found a laundromat/carwash. ate a whole lot of beef jerky. went in my first dairy farm. managed to not step in a big pile of steaming poop (thank god, because i had flip flops on). and climbed up to the top of a barn filled with hay, and reminisced about "footloose". it was a nice day.

and there was a special little extra bonus to the day. i found out that i have a thing for cowboys. oh, ya....thats right....cowboys. they were all nice, and endearing, and happy....and very "man"ly.
perhaps this new crush is because my assumed "type" is becoming a bit more blurred and confusing. i think i need something new. i tried the troubled artist....but they seem to never have their "life" together and i waste all my money making sure they eat. the hardcore....generally, in my experience...a stoner or player. and im done with all that. the emotional.....ok guys, we all got baggage, lets get on with it. the feminine man.....lets not even go there. or the mr. man.....well, im still trying to figure that one out and i think they are too. and yes i know, i don't really need anyone to be complete and all that stuff. but come on....i do want to get old with someone. i can be independent and still want to share my life with someone.

so....i'm thinking i should find me a nice cowboy and move to the farm. you know, try something new. and besides, i think the cowboy is kind of an ideal man. has a very physical job...um...hello! does something he loves. and you know they do, because the business can be the shits, so they must really love it. they are all quiet and shy in their big hat and boots....very endearing. and they are happy. genuinely happy. and plus, when i get annoyed with him, i can go send him out to the field to work.

so i'm going to find me a cowman and do a little rolling in the hay. giddy up!

love stanley (aka carey)
xo

fecal toxins and john wayne

(a old rant that has recently been on my mind. why? i'm not sure)

Sunday, May 28, 2006

i learned something new today.

this morning i was laying on a bed in a hotel room waiting to use the shower. i flipped on the tv. as usual not much was on. except this odd little infomercial about body cleanses. and suddenly i became fascinated with the fun facts i was learning about my poop.

did you know that our bodies are made up of 20 lbs of fecal toxins. yup, that's right. 20 lbs of poop. (i think some people may be made of more, but that's for another blog.) john wayne's autopsy showed that he was filled with 40 lbs of poop when he died. and a child's poop is actually a lot bigger than a middle aged persons. but don't fret if the size of your child's poops are big, according to the poop doctor, it a-okay. its how ours should be. but why aren't they you ask? because our colon and digestive track is filled and lined with fecal toxins. and its just sitting there, clogging up our poop hole and waiting to make our blood and other intestines poopy. and all this poop causes: headaches, bad skin, memory loss, aches, lethargy, arthritis, low energy levels and so on. wow, just think how much better we would feel if we just had a good dump. and i am always up for a good deal, so i was pleased to see that if i called in to buy there pooper helper....i could get a "steep discount".

so, i have decided from now on that the new pimple on my chin is actually a poop zit. and if i forget something, i am just going to blame it on my diarrhea brain. or maybe the next time i have a hangover its really cuz im all bunged up. and if i am feeling kind of down one day....it is okay to say i am feeling a bit "shitty".

Remember my dear, I can smell a lie like a fart in a car.

When I went to bed last night, all I could think about was the movie Pump Up The Volume. I was slightly obsessed with that movie when I was younger. Obsessed. I don't know how many times I have seen it. I am also a proud owner of a copy of the movie on VHS. Oh, VCR's how I miss you so.....

But all this talking into perhaps dead air has made me feel like a female modern day version of Mark Hunter (aka Christian Slater). So, in tribute to the movie which rocked my adolescent years...here are a few of my favorite quotes care of "Hard Harry".

Talk hard, I like that. It's like a dirty thought in a nice clean mind.

Guess who? It's 10 o'clock, do you care where your parents are?

I'm dedicating this unusual song to an unusual person who makes me feel kind of... unusual.
[plays "Why Can't I Fall In Love?"]

Eat your cereal with a fork and do your homework in the dark.

Sigh.....xo carey.

Express Breakfast

I had an express power breakfast this morning. I took stale baguette from the night before and dredged thin slices of it it in egg and milk. Then, I liberally buttered the pan and fried my "power pellets." To finish it off, I doused those puppies in power juice (syrup flavoured with Grand Marnier). Then, I added more butter, because I had a long day of walking ahead of me, and I'm too broke to buy myself lunch (not, apparently, to buy myself syrup with Grand Marnier...).

Now, I will walk the streets of Montreal in my ridiculously unfashionable boots, full of power butter and far too much syrup.

Miss you Vlad!