fecal toxins and john wayne

(a old rant that has recently been on my mind. why? i'm not sure)

Sunday, May 28, 2006

i learned something new today.

this morning i was laying on a bed in a hotel room waiting to use the shower. i flipped on the tv. as usual not much was on. except this odd little infomercial about body cleanses. and suddenly i became fascinated with the fun facts i was learning about my poop.

did you know that our bodies are made up of 20 lbs of fecal toxins. yup, that's right. 20 lbs of poop. (i think some people may be made of more, but that's for another blog.) john wayne's autopsy showed that he was filled with 40 lbs of poop when he died. and a child's poop is actually a lot bigger than a middle aged persons. but don't fret if the size of your child's poops are big, according to the poop doctor, it a-okay. its how ours should be. but why aren't they you ask? because our colon and digestive track is filled and lined with fecal toxins. and its just sitting there, clogging up our poop hole and waiting to make our blood and other intestines poopy. and all this poop causes: headaches, bad skin, memory loss, aches, lethargy, arthritis, low energy levels and so on. wow, just think how much better we would feel if we just had a good dump. and i am always up for a good deal, so i was pleased to see that if i called in to buy there pooper helper....i could get a "steep discount".

so, i have decided from now on that the new pimple on my chin is actually a poop zit. and if i forget something, i am just going to blame it on my diarrhea brain. or maybe the next time i have a hangover its really cuz im all bunged up. and if i am feeling kind of down one day....it is okay to say i am feeling a bit "shitty".